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Thursday, February 17, 2011
I want to say something, anything, but nothing’s coming out. No matter how hard i try to find the right words. When im lying in bed, so tired but i can’t sleep. So i just have to lie there, and wait for the tears to come out, but its not coming out already cause my body is just too fucking tired of caving in, of complying to my needs to feel better. so i lay awake in bed last night, staring at the fucking ceiling. counting the hours left to sleep. checking the time on my phone. but it took forever to strike 6.59am. waiting for that alarm to ring. reading your previous texts made me laugh on my own. our conversations were always so silly. even smileys became a war conversation, until either of us succumbed. i fell asleep somewhere in between.. 3am in the morning perhaps, or maybe 4am. i wasn't too sure, it doesn't matter anyways. tired, im so fucking tired. physically and mentally very very tired. tired of being so afraid of every single thing. afraid of disappointing my family. afraid of losing any one of them. afraid of failing every single module. afraid of losing my friends over something stupid. afraid of unnecessary fights.. afraid of losing you. so very afraid of losing someone i care so much for. if its possible, i want to ask you every single day for the rest of my life. have you eaten? are you fine? have you studied? i want to tell you every single day to be happy, to smile a lot, to stay healthy and be fine. but im so tired. trying every single time is very very tiring. waiting is tiring. wanting something for another person is very very very tiring. so many things i wanted to do with you before the two trips. thinking about it makes me sad. i would trade so many things to do random stuff with you. someone pointed out before that i need to take a breather. a long break away from all these, all i could think of was, that was my break. cause when you're being all funny and random, i forget about everything else. that's my break. you're my break from everything. isn't that what a break is all about? to allow you to forget about all the shit you don't want to feel. all the bullshitting hard work from school. from the fake laughter around you. from the fake faces you see and smile at every single day in school. cause its all politics every fucking where. survival of the fittest. shut up and you lose, open up your mouth and you still lose. im gradually losing everything in my life. slowly but i can feel it happening. cause you know what they say, nothing last forever. but I'll tell you the truth, I've never met anyone quite like you in my whole entire life. well at least not of the opposite sex. someone i don't have to pretend or act cool in front of. no one quite like you. |
 No red meat and i hate fizzy drinks.i don't like Saving The Earth campaigns, i think that's just hypocritical bullshit. deaf inducing voice, protection needed. passionate about animals :3 i love books and coffee, big time. " family first before anything, that's the rule i would like to hold on to. My Mother. My Sister. My Brother. They matter, and i can't imagine not having them in my life. cheesy? i know, i am cheesy as hell. i treasure my friends a lot, if you play them out, i might smash your face. i won't try to please you, if you like me,lets be friends, if you don't, you just don't☮ ☜♥☞ oooh. and then there's him a very very important person. Existence very much valued.☜♥☞ the people. Airin. | Allie.| Edward.| Feeqs.| Fyt.|Gee. | April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 Designer : Chili. x o x o |