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Sunday, March 6, 2011
holy pumpkins! been busy with work and workshops. sleeping lesser and lesser these days and its starting to affect a little on my work. today marks the day i lost two important reasons to smile, lost both simultaneously. its not an abrupt thing and its definitely a process it's just that today, i realized that i can fool the world, but im not fooling my own damn self. im losing my cat and i know deep down inside that this time around its different, he's not even fighting for his life. he just stopped caring. i know that I've been trying to not think about it that way but i just know that i can't handle it, if i were to say it out loud. i wont be able to handle it. i will get over it, that's an obvious thing, but i know that I'll be a mess for a week or so. it's not the time. it really isn't.the other thing is that i can't really cry it out cause i want to smile for people, make them laugh. it doesn't have the same effect with me crying now does it. help me out. know what it feels like? it feels like you're telling your own god damn self that you're losing your best-friend to aids or some terminal diseases, something you can't do shit about, you know he's in pain but you cant do shit. that's exactly how it feels like. and the treatment cost if any is too fucking expensive. and i wish right now, i can call you up and tell you how much it sucks. but i guess you're gone too. kinda want to call my buddies up, i know they would probably come here to console me or whatever but i thing they have done enough. more than enough. i just pray to god every single day i wake up the same thing over and over; don't take anything or anyone away from me, no more, not a single soul. cause im hanging in there, im really trying. gotta mark some composition papers now. and i pray to god that i can sleep tonight. big day tomorrow.. |
 No red meat and i hate fizzy drinks.i don't like Saving The Earth campaigns, i think that's just hypocritical bullshit. deaf inducing voice, protection needed. passionate about animals :3 i love books and coffee, big time. " family first before anything, that's the rule i would like to hold on to. My Mother. My Sister. My Brother. They matter, and i can't imagine not having them in my life. cheesy? i know, i am cheesy as hell. i treasure my friends a lot, if you play them out, i might smash your face. i won't try to please you, if you like me,lets be friends, if you don't, you just don't☮ ☜♥☞ oooh. and then there's him a very very important person. Existence very much valued.☜♥☞ the people. Airin. | Allie.| Edward.| Feeqs.| Fyt.|Gee. | April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 Designer : Chili. x o x o |